You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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