He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
