even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
