I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
