Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
