..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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