why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
