Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
