Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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