i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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