I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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