That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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