Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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