Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
