Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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