end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
