No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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