There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
