some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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