Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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