He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
