i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
