It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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