I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
