i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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