Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
