Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
