So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just pee around me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
