Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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