We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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