she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
