While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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