My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
