Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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