you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
