there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
