You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
