yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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