She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
