We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
