he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
