The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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