dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize