He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
