I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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