dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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