Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
