i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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