I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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