I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
