R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
