im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
