Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
