The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
