NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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