I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
