i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
