It's Friday. Sex?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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