Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
