i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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