Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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