You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
