I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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