I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
