Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
