I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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