im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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