Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
