Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
