She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
